Sometimes...this is just way too hard!

Kellie Eason 

Kellie Eason RN, RM, IBCLC is a Registered Nurse, Midwife & International Board Certified Lactation Consultant with over 25 years experience supporting Melbourne families with Breastfeeding, Bottle Feeding and Gentle Sleep/Settling Strategies. She has advanced skills in supporting babies with complex feeding difficulties such as reflux, colic, tongue and lip ties, difficulty sleeping/settling after feeds

I remember when I was a nursing student, we were taught to keep our feelings to ourselves, be stoic for our patients and keep it strictly professional....

I wouldn't normally share this kind of information...but I think its totally OK for you to know that even though I am a health professional, I am and always be a human first....

Absolutely love my job - I feel like the world's biggest cheat, because I actually love helping and listening to other's needs.  I love it when I am able to help create positive change and enable new families to proceed with their lives rather than being stuck in sleep deprivation of breastfeeding ruts for example.  

I absolutely hate it when I can't help others, but realise that this is being purely idealistic and not realistic.  Not everyone can be helped and after all, I am not superhuman...Nothing wrong with wishing hey?

So I just wanted to share, that last week sucked...I had a cold for 8 weeks and 2 weeks worth of terrible sinusitis, bronchitis and my asthma was playing up.  I had lockjaw 3 times within a 24 hour period and partially dislocated my jaw.  The migraines were hell and I was at the end of my rope.  I just wanted to lie on the couch, cuddle my babies and watch Netflix all week.  I didn't want to go to work, I was over being sick and being there for everyone else and not be able to take care of myself.  

I couldn't just drop and reschedule parents to the following week, because they needed me, so I had to snap myself out of how I was feeling and just get on with it.  

The end of last week was bittersweet...which made me glad and sad that I was at work on Friday.  A beautiful mama shared with me that she and her husband had just found the day prior, that it is not known how long their 3 year old son will have left to live...They have a 3 week old baby and a 3 year old son. I'm not going to share any more of their story because this family deserves their privacy.  

My gosh, all I could do, was tell this mama that I didn't know what to say and that nothing could make any of this right.  I listened to her vent and managed to be brave and wipe my tear without her seeing.  It bought back my own personal pain of losing my babies....losing a parts of my body that would never be given back to me again.  My heart felt like it was haemorrhaging and my lungs felt as though the air was being drawn out of them.  This is my only pain I have ever known being a mum and there is no way in the world, that I could ever put myself in her shoes.  This little cherub hopped into the clinic with dad to pick up his little baby brother and mum....my heart felt so much more broken for this family.

It hit me, that there are many other families in this position. Every day, we don't think about it.  But it rings so true, when it affects you personally.  It was such a blessing that this family have come into my life to share such an intimate part of their life journey.  Such a blessing to make me think of hugging my loved ones, just the bit tighter and being more grateful for those that are near and dear to me.

So feeling  I was at the end of my rope for feeling sick for so long, is really trivial at the end of it all.  

Now heading into this week, feeling sombre,  sad and angry to know of the pain that this family is going through.
Feeling frustrated, because life doesn't just stop and consider the needs of others.
Road rage doesn't stop.....
The arsehole tailgating me to drive faster is not going to stop.....
The mother with the healthy baby who sleeps through the the night is not going to stop complaining that her baby doesn't sleep longer than 2 hour blocks  through the day........
The stories about the families grieving because they can't have any more children....
The person that pushes in front of you at the shopping queue
The stress of modern fast paced living......

I just hope that anyone who reads this, uses this read for its sole purpose...which is to help us to stop and count our blessings and be kind to one another.  Please try as hard as I am to not get caught in this crazy vortex of life and love hard, be grateful and be good at it.......